Only Human
by Birdee
Summary: As Kuririn tries to disable Eighteen in order to save the Earth from Cell, he thinks about what his life has become and why he can't seem to do the simple task of destroying her.


_**Author's Note and Disclaimer:** I wrote this on a whim, and I'm sure there's plenty of fics out there like it, but frankly, I don't really care. This is my idea of what's going through Kuririn's mind while he's supposed to be killing Eighteen in the Cell saga. I don't own DBZ._   
  
  


**Only Human**

  
  
  
I never thought I'd be put in this position.   
  
One button. One button seals my fate, my whole _planet's_ fate, for the future. I know I should press it now, right now and get it over with, but I can't seem to do it. What is this urge inside of me, telling me not to do this? Why can't I press the God damn button?   
  
I've been waiting for this! Bulma made this controller so that we could disable the cyborgs, making Cell unable to become perfect. The only catch is that I have to be less than ten feet away when I press this button of destruction, and with one click, turn off the cyborgs forever.   
  
Far away, it was the greatest idea in the world. We could vanquish our enemies with one simple touch. But now that I'm so close to her, now that I can see the sun shining on her golden hair and see her quiver at the thought of what might happen to her, I just can't kill her.   
  
If I shut her down, my friends will be saved. Gokou, Gohan, and everyone I've come to know and love will be fine. We will have defeated Cell and these 'horrid' cyborgs that we've feared ever since Trunks' warning.   
  
But how can these cyborgs be so vicious and ruthless? How can this fragile girl, clinging to Sixteen's arm really be that same woman that showed no mercy to Vegeta or Trunks? She couldn't be all bad... I know she couldn't...   
  
All my friends, all of Earth for that matter, are assured life if only I could find the strength in me to push this button. But why me? Couldn't someone else do it?   
  
If only I could bring myself to do it, it would be so wonderful. _I_ would be the savior for once, and all I have to do is click one tiny button. Throughout my childhood and adult life, I have never been the hero. I just kept hidden in the shadows while Gokou won another fight and became stronger.   
  
He has everything! A wife, a family, and everyone's loving adoration. Even Vegeta respects him, although he would never admit to it. And I'm just That Bald Guy Who Runs Around In The Background. Gokou is my friend... but why did Kami make it so he got everything? I can't help but be jealous; I envy him for all he has, and all he has become.   
  
And that's why I have to push this button and save everyone. But why is it that the one time I can save the day, I can't? I can't even press a damn button!   
  
How could anyone? She's only human, just like me. She's not a monster. She can't help that she was pulled into Dr. Gero's evil plans to kill Gokou. She can't help it that she has only done what she's been taught, while so much evil has taken away her right to live a normal life.   
  
But I know it's not just that. I know I want, I need, to understand her. I need to figure out the enigma that makes her what she is. When she kissed me, I felt something wonderful run through my body, like some kind of magical force. It seems like The Kiss occured so long ago, but I can still feel its effects, tugging at the back of my mind and heart.   
  
Ever since we got back from Namek, since I died, I've felt like fighting isn't what I'm supposed to do in my life. I died with no real reason to live. Usually, when you die, you're dead. All your unfinished business stays unfinished. But if there is one wonder in this world, it's the dragonballs. I was wished back to into the world of living with the realization that I was given another chance at this life, unlike so many others.   
  
That was when I started to comprehend that fighting in itself wasn't a purpose. I'm not even strong enough to make a difference anymore— hell, even Gohan could kill me if it fit his fancy; Gohan who is only eleven...   
  
What else is there for me in this world? I decided to go out dating, trying to find how to be something to someone, anyone. I even got a girlfriend, Maron, but as it turned out, it wasn't meant to be. I wanted a family, people who could depend on me, but for me, it seems as if I only want what I can't have.   
  
Then I saw her, Eighteen. I can see her now, huddled up against the rocks. She looks like a scared child; I want to protect her. Her eyes have lost that evil glint that she had kept inside her while around her mischievous brother. Now the only thing in her eyes is eternal sadness and tears.   
  
I can't end her life. She's only a human damnit! I can't just sacrifice her! I saw her tears, her pain, her blood. She grieves, like any other person. And... I love her.   
  
Vegeta is wrong. These cyborgs are not just a bucket of bolts or a machine. No one can love a machine. What she had sent down my spine to the soles of my feet with a simple kiss was not the same as it was with Maron. The picture of Eighteen in my mind is so clear. Blonde shimmering hair, eyes the color of aquamarine crystals and lips like cherries... this is not a toaster. This is a woman, a _person_. She is not an automatic robot, only programmed to find, kill or destroy.   
  
She is a individual with a brain, a heart, and tears. And I love her.   
  
But how can I let my friends down? They mean more than anything to me. Almost anything.   
  
They're all counting on me. If I don't push this button and shut her down, it'll be the whole world's death sentence. She's going to die anyway. Cell will get her sooner or later, and probably sooner.   
  
Unless Vegeta or Trunks manages to kill him. Then I would have destroyed her and all my dreams for no reason at all.   
  
I can't live with that.   
  
I don't think I can live with dooming my friends either.   
  
Why is this button my job? The easiest thing in the world has been placed in my hands, yet I can't bring myself to save all humanity as I know it. How weak I've become. I have just proved it.   
  
She looked up at me, finally seeing me tear myself to shreds over the task of taking her life. Maybe she knew I was there all along.   
  
I winced. Her eyes made my breath stop for a moment. I think those beautiful eyes could stop a thousand typhoons with one small glance. I nodded to her silently, my decision had finally been made.   
  
I can't sacrifice any innocence for anyone, especially innocence that I've come to love. I guess I knew that from the very beginning.   
  
I dropped the controller and watched it fall to the ground as if it was only a feather. I looked down at it one last time before I brought my foot above it and stomped it down into the dust. The sound of its shattered pieces echoed the air and I predicted that anyone in a ten mile radius could hear all of our hope being crushed by my shoe.   
  
"Only human," I muttered softly, before flying back up into the air, wondering where to go now.   
  
  
_**End**_


End file.
